Friday, December 31, 2010

My Top 5 Games, Top DLC and Top downloadable Games of 2010

#5 Heavy Rain

#4 Gran Turismo 5

#3 God of War III

#2 Battlefield BC 2

#1Red Dead Redemption




DLC of the Year
Undead Nightmare for Red Dead Redemption






Honorable Mentions:
Need for Speed Hot Pursuit
Call of Duty Black Ops
Final Fantasy 13


PSN Downloadable Titles
#3 Lara Croft and The Guarian Of Light


#2 Marvel Pinball




#1 Dead Nation


Honorable Mentions:
Tumble
Planet Minigolf
Pacman CE DX2

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Top 10 Albums and honorable mentions of 2010

Top 10 Albums of 2010
Transference Spoon
American VI: Ain't No Grave Johnny Cash
Plastic Beach Gorillaz
Recovery Eminem
Asylum Disturbed
Big Boi - Daddy Fat Sax
Order Of The Black Black Label Society
Mojo Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons
Brothers The Black Keys


Honorable Mentions:
Scream Ozzy Osbourne
Lonely Avenue Ben Folds & Nick Hornby
Tomorrow Morning Eels
Come Around Sundown Kings of Leon
Survival Story Flobots
Congratulations MGMT
Trans-Continental Hustle Gogol Bordello
Nightmare Avenged Sevenfold
Imperfect Harmonies Serj Tankian
Grinderman 2 Grinderman
Kaleidoscope Heart Sara Bareilles
Audio Secrecy Stone Sour
Valleys of Neptune Jimi Hendrix
The Suburbs Arcade Fire
Diamond Eyes Deftones
Contra Vampire Weekend
Interpol Interpol
Hellbilly Deluxe 2 Rob Zombie

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Visitor

I'm in that wasteland
of mystic winter lands
some solstice and
novelty cheers from
all around scattered
across the vastness
oceans of media
Glancing out to the
digital falls colliding
with coded words
and realized my
heartbeat is so
fucking faint these
colder winter days
Shimmering greens
are just grays with
outlines of eyeliner
tear stained tattoos
I stand broken over
these molecules and
cells that make us
together but still
I'm just a visitor
to this place

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Kung Fu Live(PSN) Review



Kung-fu Live has been one I was curious about for a long time now. However, before I go into the review, I must say my ultra gaming diet and exercise routine was not made for this game. When you party like a rock star this game is tough to get through. I suppose on a good note if you want aerobic exercises and want to make believe you are Bruce Lee this title might  be for you. There are some major problems I’ve had with the title thus far though and these aren’t including my life style choices.

First off, I don’t tend to keep much light where I play so this was a big problem. I had to move another lamp in into another corner of the room. This still didn’t completely solve me getting transferred into the game 100%. You will need to spend time with this setup not just for looks but for the gameplay as well.  They recommend a 7 x 9 room and it works. Personally I’d opt for a little more but I’ll explain that in the gameplay. Other oddities are you must be wearing something different than the background of your room or you will not show up. Although it is cool to feel like a weatherman for the day it seems silly I absolutely have to have the right clothes on to fire up the title.

It’s a slick idea that brings you into a comic world by transferring your poses into a comic book that you follow through the story. Loading screens are a bit long for my taste with what you get. I am one who forgave the loading screens for gran turismo 5 but with a title like this it break the momentum. I must say though at about chapter 3 I needed a long loading time.  Further on the setup is calibration and you can fine tune it which took me probably 20 minutes to get somewhat right. I’m still not exactly happy with it compared to the trailers but I don’t want to put lights all around my living room either. I just find it odd that my move titles work just fine but this one doesn’t.

Now for the meat of the game. So when you are on screen and after the comic tells it’s story(it is funny at times I give them that) you start to fight. So kick, punch, flail, etc and you get powers throughout the game for special moves. Unfortunately, moves such as the flipping seem to work part time and combos seem to work better flailing your limbs around. The game might be worth it to some just to watch their friends look like morons or better yet drunken Bruce Lee’s. I still can’t forgive that it doesn’t work 100% of the time even though some the ground stomps, lightning shooting and jumping can be fun at times.  Unfortunately, while the fighters and bosses change it gets repetitive to me.

When you can get it calibrated it is fun to see yourself in the comics but it’s just novelty. This game is shallow and unfortunately for the price tag not worth it. It was a great experiment and I do feel the designers tried there damnedest  but overall it’s fun for a first couple of loads and then gets old quick. Not to mention tiring if you are a couch gamer.  There is also options to create your own fights by picking characters, rounds, special powers, gravity but its’ still more of the same. There is a local multiplayer mode that lets one try to be the kung fu master and the others use the dualshock controllers. This option is up to 4 players but I’m not big into party games. Someone will have to let me know if this actually works out or not.

I can possibly see kids with plenty of imagination enjoying this game but otherwise I can’t recommend it. While I think it was a great idea there are just too many issues with the game overall. This seems more like a novelty than a full game that is priced at $14.99. The score below is based on possible kids enjoying it mainly and for novelty. Otherwise it would have probably been rated even lower. As a fan of all things Kung fu this was a huge let down for
me. The fun factor just doesn't last like I wished it would have.

3 out of 10

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Zen Studio's Marvel Pinball(PSN) Review



I’ll be upfront that I love Zen pinball. I spent a lot of my teenage years in a smokey bowling alley killing quarters on pinball games. I am also a huge fan of a lot of the marvel characters. When I heard that Zen was making a pinball game with Marvel characters I wanted it that moment. Fortunately, thanks to the generosity of zen’s contest I got a copy. If you enjoy zen pinball you’ll enjoy this. If you enjoy Zen pinball and are a fan of marvel your in for an amazing treat.

Zen Pinball was a big hit for me. It took insane ideas that probably could have never worked on a real table. However, somehow Zen has always made it feel like I’m at a table. There were some minor annoyances such as loading times and menus though. Now onto Marvel Pinball. From the loading screen of the marvel comics flipping I was surprised to see a slicker, unique interface than Zen Pinball has. The loading times are faster and get you playing in no time at all.

Currently, we have four tables in the game. You can see many more slots while your picking so definitely more to come. You can even vote at marvel pinball.com for the next. From what I’ve read Zen has access to all characters and more importantly story archs. Could we see a secret wars or civil war table in the future? I certainly hope so. The four tables released with the game are Spiderman, Wolverine, Iron Man, and Blade. All of which are very uniquely designed and do put you in the world of the character. If you are a fan of the characters there are all kinds of fun details to notice. If not, they are still beautifully designed tables and very unique to the styles of play.

I honestly don’t want to spoil the surprises and go into each table individually. If you have questions or want more details I’d be glad to go into them. In brief though, on the spiderman table you will have certain challenges included boss fights including Doc Oc, Green Goblin and more. If you can imagine web designed ramps and goblin bombs everywhere that is what you are getting. The wolverine table is very speedy with nice details in forms of adamantium items. You’ll be seeing saber tooth, sentinel and others during the boss fights. Iron man is very mechanical but has Tony Stark’s playboy side going. Whiplash, Mandarin and others will be engaged on this table. Finally, which I almost jumped in joy when I heard, was a table for blade. This table is unbelievable with a functioning day and night shift. Perfect for the daywalker in all of us. It’s truly a beautiful table to look at. I won’t spoil anything for the fans but this should be a fan favorite if you grew up with blade. Incredible looking and functioning table.

So there is a nice breakdown without giving away too many details. I’d just hate to ruin it for the comic fans out there. I think it’s enough detail to give pinball fans alone the details they’d want. On the PS3, we have the dual shock so we can bump the table if needed or you can change it to pushing down the L stick. The tables themselves are full of challenges, unlocks, and multiple boss battles that get insanely tense. I’m sad I had to log off tonight as all I can think of is wanting to play more!

The characters do have voice overs which if you want to find flaws you’ll find here. Although they aren’t the worst I’ve heard they could’ve been better. However, we’re talking pinball and it works. The physics is as good as it can be and the challenges do prove quite challenging. Sometimes it does feel as if you are in auditory overload with all the table sounds, music and voices though.  While this can get overwhelming I’m sure I’ll be able to fine tune it eventually to where I’m satisfied.

Unfortunately, still no split screen coop but you can play the old school coop way  hot seat and the usually online that we’ve come to love is here. You can train in slow motion and there are quite a few customizable options from the operator menu. Save/Load features are here and if you have a ps eye multiplayer will use the video chat if wanted. Always fun from a social aspect unless you’re shy like me.


Hero and Team force scoring is an addition that I really like. I do wish it would’ve been included in Zen Pinball. Basically, your hero score is your personal score across all of the boards. Team Force scoring is you and your list of friends totaled up. I see it as more incentive to find friends and play in a community aspect. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt sales for Zen either which is a good thing in my opinion. Perfect for the price and with the addictive nature this is a must have in my opinion.

10 out of 10

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dead Nation(PSN) Review



For those that have been waiting for Dead Nation I’m sure you’ve picked it up already.  I know there are some out there asking why in the hell do we need another zombie game. House Marquee answers this question with a refreshing experience.  They are responsible for Super Stardust HD which is still one of the best PSN games to date. There use of lighting, music, and controls is simply one of a kind. Did they accomplish this successfully with Dead Nation? I think so and then some. Get your rifles and shotguns for a bloody, tense good time.



When you load up Dead Nation you will be able to see the brilliant leader boards. Obviously, your score for zombie killing but also your countries score. It’s a nice feature and new to leader boards. It’s always nice to see how many total zombies you and your country has/is killing.  So if you are into leader boards you’ll love this. If not, continue on and we’ll get to the guts of the game.

Visually this is a rather dark game. At times, people might say too dark but it makes you use your street lights, flashlight,  and even lightning at times to sense where zombies are. The lighting and use for gameplay is brilliant. It takes a genre that’s filled with too much and adds a strategy to the  As I’ve played I’ve seemed to have gotten used to where I can stay but there are plenty of sneaky spots. Some would say it’s trickery to kill you but it adds to the tension. We’ve all seen zombie movies, this is more so how it would be and it’s a certain realism to the downloadable title. The story also includes story boards that look like incredible graphic novel artwork. You also collect gallery images the further you progress if you are into that sort of thing. I wouldn’t be normally but the artwork is that good.

Onto the good stuff, on the outside it’s still a twin stick shooter but with multipliers(I.e. super stardust) you will constantly want to be chasing after the leader boards. There is also more depth that I expected where you can upgrade weapons and armor.  Your armor basically increases your strength, agility and edurance through exos, protos, and armor suits. It’s neat to see how they adapt to your style of play. The weapons are also upgradable from power, rate of fire, clips and other fun stuff to upgrade. You will start out with a rather handy rifle but later on get a smg, shotgun, flamethrower, blade cannon, launcher, shocker and others I’ll let you discover for yourself. It’s fun figuring out where each can be used. Like I stated, they all can be upgraded through the currency you collect in game. You collect the currency from abandoned cars, finding packages(sometimes tricky to find) and of course, killing zombies.

It’s truly a fun experience with figuring out what weapons you are good with and learning how to make them work for you. There are details a lot of games miss such as the flamethrower can kill you. If set on flames you will need to rush to get the flames off you. I think that’s another one of the instructional pieces of info displayed for you that usually come across with a sense of humor. Such as real men play undead mode and so on. You can also set off car alarms to attract zombies while waiting for the car to explode. Another strategic piece that does add depth to the game overall. Also your jounrey to try to survive you have flares that you can throw and pile up your zombie count. Mines, Grenades, moltovs and a few other surprises are at your disposal as well.  Just use them wisely, especially the flares.

So if that sounds like fun download immediately. I was excited about this as I love all zombies but this is truly the best in it’s genre in my opinion.  It’s well worth the price, especially for ps+ subscribers and I think the replay value is quite high for a downloadable title. There are 10 levels  giving you 20-40 minutes or so each level of a tense, sometimes brutal, combat situations. Add different difficulties, coop and it will keep you coming back for more. It has a bit of that addictive nature us gamers usually seek out for downloadable titles. There are also 35 trophies including a platinum for you trophy hunters that want to stay busy.

The online works like you expect although you do need to watch carefully as it seems easy to mix up you or your online counterparts players. This could be my old eyes but it’s a small detail and the more you play the easier it seems to recognize.  The coop is a true blast and you can play locally or online. Supposedly, HM is working on voice chat. Why it was not included in the game is beyond me but I have to drop some points for that. Hopefully, we’ll get this sooner than later though.

To sum it up, it’s a gritty zombie survival twin stick shooter that delivers on many levels. The lighting seems to start the intensity while the brilliant music ups your heart rate. There is also a great use of quiet times here that will truly keep you on edge.  High replay factor, fantastic leader board ideas and just a downright bloody as hell good time.

9.0 out of 10

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Gran Turismo 5 Review



After 1200+ miles, driving different events, chasing licenses, etc. I think I can finally give my honest opinion on my take on Gran Turismo 5.  The content of this game is simply astonishing. First off,  the cars are at a massive 1000+. 200 are extremely detailed and gorgeously designed. These are your premium cars and the rest are your standard cars which do lack the detailed premium cars. However, they still look ok in their own rights and with the massive car collection it’s simply fun to collect. There are 20 tracks with 70 + variations of the tracks. I have been a fan since GT1 and this is complete heaven for me. While I do wish all cars were premium in the long run it doesn’t affect the game to me much. The only big gripe by most is the standard cars do not have cockpit view. While it is unfortunate I can see why personally.

So getting down to it, if you’ve played Gran Turismo you know about the License tests. These are still rather difficult at times to get gold on. You can achieve the licenses with bronze and it’s not quite as daunting as it used to be in my opinion. Given it’s been long enough for a whole new generation of racers I think this is perfect. You can bronze, still get licenses but you still have the challenge of going for gold. You will want to practice on these tests anyway as it teaches you true fundamentals of racing techniques.

A-SPEC mode is where you’ll jump into specific races and race for victory and credits. You will win cars. One thing I might gripe on here is if you allow yourself to cheat(take shortcuts through grass, tune up monster cars specific for the race, etc) you can blow through a lot of these. If you can resist that temptation because it will only teach you how to be a better racer and you will be more fulfilled by completing each race. While leveling makes it feel like an RPG at times it’s definitely not a grind if you enjoy racing.

B-SPEC mode is where you controll A.I. drivers with their own “personality” and basically coach them on the same racers given in A-SPEC. Your driver levels up just like you do when you are racing. Most of my time spent here was more of more learning specific tendencies of the tracks, when to take over spots and staying cool. It’s actually informative but you A.I. drivers can be a bit testy. I suppose we all are at times though. You will be able to train up a whole team of drivers which is quite fun. In December, according to PD, they will release an option to remote race these drivers. You will be able to make your drivers  available online, set courses and yes, race remotely. Don’t get fired when this comes out. If you do it’s not my fault.

There is now special events to race too which I am absolutely loving. You now have kart racing, NASCAR, Rally events, grand tours(personal fav as it feels it has a bit of story through the visuals) and as you probably heard Top Gear events. As you progress your leveling through the game more of these unlock to you and are quite a meaty addition in my opinion. Different styles of racing, weather and cars which you will need to learn skills to fulfill each event.  Excellent addition in my opinion. Although, NASCAR  seems like it could’ve went a little more in depth. This is the only event that seems a bit unpolished as it should’ve been. However, I’m not a huge NASCAR fan. I will say I do have more of respect for what goes into NASCAR after what I’ve played so far though.

Arcade mode is there if you just want to get in and drive. Always a fun feature and it offers split-screen coop for you and your coach driving buddies. This is also where the popular drift trial mode is and is a complete blast. Drifting being big in GT? I’d have never thought. This mode also helps you practice, get tracks down and techniques perfected.

In GT Life, there is a lot of community functionality which I’m really enjoying. You and your friends have a lounge where you can all hop in and race. Or for that matter, just drive different cars on different tracks. Voice chat seems to need some tuning though. Sometimes it does seem difficult to hear but I’m sure that will be patched for optimization.  If you are in your friends lounge, had to many beers, or just want to chat you can also watch your buddies race. Very cool functionality in my opinion. You also have private messages, a message board and can show off pics you create in the photo mode. You can also share tracks that you’ve created in the track editor which I’ll go into below. Also a handy gifting cars function if you need one for a specific race or want to try it out before you spend 10m of your credits on one car.



The track editor is not anything you’d see of mod racers. Basically you pick a design, and modify curves, difficulty, width of lanes, etc. Not at detailed as some were hoping but it’s extremely easy to use and get tracks out there for you and your friends.

If you don’t know you can also tune your cars and for me it’s pretty in depth. I’ve heard some people asking for more but I see this easy to learn.  I am not a mechanical person personally but the depth offered here in the tuning is more than enough for me. I already see some functionality I will need to discuss with friends of more mechanical nature. Besides finally tuning your rides you can do car washes, install body kits, change wheels, change oil, overhaul an engine and plenty of other toys to play with.  Pain jobs are unlocked by having certain cars that add to your pain collection. I would much rather be able to modify with all colors but this is a minor complaint. With the detailed of some of the cars I don’t blame them for going this route.


One thing extremely cool and I’m quite addicted to is the photo mode. On the premium cars, you gain access to locations for photo travel mode. The details of f-stops, lens speeds and many more options that photographers love are here. It’s insanely accurate to the limited photography experience I’ve had. If you are reading this I’m sure you’ve seen some of the pictures from GT5. It’s nearly impossible to tell a snap shot you take from a real life car.

I feel like could literally write a novel on this review but I won’t bore you. The Gran Turismo series is the only racing series I play and this one is much easier to start getting into if you haven’t owned any of them before. It’s content is well worth the wait, the online is lag free from my experience(including a solid 2 hours in a friends lounge) and it’s simply a blast to truly feel like you are racing. If you are looking for an arcade racer though I can’t suggest any of the GT series, especially this one. This is titled a simulator for good reasons and you might find yourself unhappy with the purchase if you are looking for an arcade racer.

Minor complaints I personally have are some screen tearing at times on certain tracks and some blocky shadows as well. However, the good outweighs the bad here in my opinion. I know a lot say they spent 6 years and should’ve been more polished. To me, it’s polished where it should be, mind blowing realistic at times and I can sacrifice a bit of the nit picking for an absolutely solid game play experience. PD has been on the ball with two patches out already and from the sounds of it many more to come down the line. This game will evolve with time and I can’t wait to see where it leads. Also in December PD will be releasing more options on damage modeling and I’m sure some more goodies we don’t know of.  If you are a fan of Gran Turismo this is a must have, if you are shaky on racers because all the arcade racers I’d say jump in and test drive GT5.

GT5 isn’t something you pick up and automatically experience. It grabs you when you least expect it but you have to take the time to let it. Practice, race, tune and welcome the smell of burning tires. I am in no way disappointed and I have a game with way more depth that I ever dreamed of. While there are some minor complaints, PD seems to be on top of updating and evolving this game into a complete lifestyle.

9.5 out of 10.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

11.23.10

People are in there holiday outfits, spending time with loved ones and family. I just hit that cold chill the holidays always brings upon me. A certain sadness mixed with fond memories but more often than not painful ones. As much as it's closer to my weather I hate this time of year. It's as if an apparition of the past comes in and settles right into my soul like it's his/her own. My nose gets cold and I really can't concentrate on anything. Of all the old memories I keep I continually want to drown them out with alcohol. 

At least this year, assuming it lives up to the hype, I'll have gran turismo to take my mind away from things. Anger can easily be controlled by normal times and black ops. Suppose video games is an outlet for me, productive or not, it gets me by. Out of all the passions and dreams stripped from me(or myself) I still have this one. Even music seems to be a fading breathing mechanism for me. 

Just another unproductive, gasp at air rant, from yours truly. Here's to being a realist.

Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light Review(PSN)

I was fortunate to win this game as I was hesitant. I loved Lara and all of her features for years but the formula has gotten quite tired to me. I wanted to wait to give my thoughts on this game till the online coop patch was released. Finally, the wait is over and we have online coop. There is already local coop but this was the final piece to this game I was waiting for.

Lara finds herself in the Mayan jungle facing off against a Demon of sorts. I won’t say anything on the story because there isn’t a lot to go on here.  Is it important to the game? Not at all in my opinion.  As soon as you adjust to the new view of lara it turns into a beautiful game. The detail of the landscapes are quite impressive for a downloadable titled.

The gameplay is what makes this game. Although you know where you should go there are plenty of items to collect. Items such as relics, guns and other included in the many challenges this game offers. The puzzles are fun and exploration is rewarded. That’s what makes a Lara Croft game anyways right? Items change your  weapons, speed, skills, etc. I did have some issues with both of my DS controllers controlling with the left analog stick. It seems to have gotten better but a hint if you have this problem is to roll. It also comes in quite handy for beating the timed challenges.

I waited because I wanted to see if the online coop works. Great news is does and adds to the depth of the game. You solve puzzles different on coop so it gives it a unique feel and just adds again to the replay value of the game. You will want to trophy hunt, beat challenges and play coop with a buddy over and over again. I played the coop day 1 so it did seem it was tough to get a random game. Hopefully more people will pick this up soon so that’s not an issue. In the meantime, get a buddy and have a blast. That’s all the fun in coop anyways right?

I want to thank Crystal Dynamics for making a solid game, no matter the history. It is finally a blast to return to Lara’s world for me and for the price is one of the best offerings out there now. If you are into arcade adventure games this is a must have. If you are fan of Lara, it’s definitely worth your time to pick up this title.

9.0 out of 10 for a truly fun and replayable title.

Shatter(PSN) Review

I am a late comer to this game but thanks to PS+ I got this game. I’ll start off by saying I love the classic brick breaking games and this can be added to the best of list. This game has a true arcade feel and is completely stunning in 1080. Better than the visuals is the catchy electronic composition of Jeremiah Ross. It seems to add to the unique flow of the game and keeps you completely immersed in the world of Shatter.

Gameplay has a unique twist. Instead of the normal bouncing of the ball you have certain power ups along with the ability to either push or pull the ball. Vacuum with suck and pull if you will and no jokes are needed there. Ultimately you have the ability collect fragments for a shard storm which adds to the point collector in all of us. Another unique part of the strategy is the balls count as lives. So you can use more than one at a time in your strategy. Just be cautious as it can be much trickier keeping up with multi-balls. It almost adds a pinball flair to the classic brick gameplay.

For the price to play it’s honestly a title you must have and try out if you are into brick breaking games. I personally feel an addiction just due to the beautiful graphics and excellent tunes that accompany you on your electronic journey. Not much story here, just arcade fun at it’s best. Only downside is after you complete story mode there is only a boss rush mode and bonus mode. They are all fun to play but if you are not into bragging rights for a high score you might hesitate to come back.

Since I found this psn classic late I’m hoping they are working on the Shatter 2. Hopefully, with addition of a online multiplayer/coop which would have truly set this game as a must have. I believe it is still a must have for fans of the genre. You will be play off and on like I have since I downloaded the game. I’m still working on high scores and that’s enough incentive for now.

To set yourself apart in a genre filled with these type games for generations it receives a 9.5 out of 10 from me. I love everything this game has and is. Only thing holding it back from pefection is the addition of an equally addictive multiplayer.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thoughts on COD:Black Ops

This is actually a shooter campaign that will stick with me. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The AI is odd at times on enemies. Your squad do get in your way like said above but it was well worth the time spent. I'm playing through again now. The story was a lot of fun but does require some paying attention. Imagine that.


I got tired of COD a long time ago but still wasted money on MW2. I traded it(I rarely trade games) in a little over a month. Black Ops has balance, I' m enjoying all the modes, and the new cash system I think adds to the experience overall. I don't know if it's luck but I rarely have any of the problems spoke of from people.

After a few days of continuous playing(last time I remember being addicted like this was kz2) I'm having a blast. There are some needed patches and I'm betting they'll come sooner than later. Multiplayer also doesn't feel like your on a hoverboard anymore and that was one of my biggest issues with cod games all together. 

I was planning on doing a full review but there are so many out there it just doesn't matter. Most of all its truly fun to play. Being in the kz3 beta and playing this has been an interesting twist. I thought I was going to waste money again and I didn't. Honestly, I was looking for black ops to get me by till kz3. Now I'm wondering if it will actually compete for my attention, even in feb. 

Sunday, October 31, 2010

10.31.10

Winter is coming 33 minutes according to my perception. My holiday is over and falling every day is coming too soon. That wicked icy blue takes sea takes me into that storm every year. I apologize, pacify and I'm usually blacked out in an alcoholic bliss. I missed that tonight. I think I miss Hallow's eve all together with the puzzle in my head and the fractured heart I survive.

It's all blue streaks and memories from here till I shed another coat. It's hoping to score meds, pills or get me byes I survive. It's just hope I sleep more than not, I dissatisfy than appear or simply sleep more than I am out with your all. I blink an eye and I know who keeps me company. Once again, that time of year,just hit so much harder. Maybe that's what's getting old is all about.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

10.23.10

Been quieter these weeks
turning pages in my head
with the most screams 
since I've been a kid
and I'm falling, failing
myself again today
I tried hope but it's
side-effect's are too 
strong for me to live
I quit breathing, choke
on the water of life
May I dissatisfy again
So far away, I pretend
that I'm somewhere else
but my head is aching 
mini hurricanes day by
day and I'm still trying
but silent am I, mist
blows off my forehead
in the depths of night
just want to be alone
away, far away from
all of this, you and me
these voices I hear
haven't been nearest
to me for eternities
 

Friday, October 15, 2010

10.15.10

I that face tonight
blink daydream
nightmare, sincere
dopamine drip
and it all comes
flooding in again
burns and scars
aches, pains and
echoes whispering
Falling into that
ever light, another
sight and I'm gone
Trembling fingers
scrape paper cut
skin, vastness I
can only dream
angel wing snaps
my soul of twigs
can't hold anymore

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

10.13.10

I love the spirits of youthfulness. I miss that fire and ability to say fuck it, I'm going to do something. I'm not sure when all that changed for me but it's not there. I vowed to myself ages ago I'd never get apathetic but when you have a dagger at your throat there isn't much to do. Maybe, just maybe, the youth will make a good life for themselves. I just can't see this world working to better itself. I can't see that  changing anytime in my lifetime.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Kindred

Torn bones protrude
in the bloody wounds
on my shoulder blades
A nightmare of lapse
an unbecoming, a
evolution of the next
bastardly cycle that
ends and beings
with your haunting
Still hold the noose
so close to my
decaying heart(love)
A whisper of you
from gentle night
terror false sight
Flickering lights
from projected
past lives and
false prides
heroes dying
ataxic souls
kindred

Friday, October 8, 2010

10.8.10

I've spent too many years faking what's normal to society, family, friends, etc and I'm fucking tired of it. I know it's hard for people to except this fact. I understand that's it's the norm but honestly I could give a fuck less nowadays. I spent so many years terrified, being put down, being told who I am, what I am, what I've got and what makes me me that it's not worth the stress....from anyone. I walk on a fragile line everyday and I just can't deal with the same bullshit I've already spent OVER half my life trying to fix,change,hide, medicate, or renovate.

I've tried all I can and it never works. It also never works when it comes up in casual conversation, in my face or subtle hints of oh that's not right. This is right. I don't live in that black and white of world and I wish you all could understand that. It isn't worth me taking a chance stepping outside of this shell I've built. When it's worth it again I will know it. Until then, just let me live my life. It's mine.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Absolution

For seconds grace 
filled time in the
moonlit nightfall
I laid waiting
and you showed
hearts synced
breathes at our
rhythm that I
can't seem to
fall asleep 
without or want
to rest without
So far away
I'm so far gone
you wouldn't
recognize this
mess I am 
nowadays
A brief peace
came under
moon light
playful fall
but only to
wake to
reflections
of reality
Burns, pain
and wounds
is all I am
all I'm worth
all I'm here
for it seems
absolution

Monday, October 4, 2010

10.4.10

I'd look you in the eye
just to say I'm fine
but it's only a lie
you'd say, you know
and I'm falling
off this edge,glow
that you give me
lit the way and
now only the dark
selling my soul
every chance mark
sniper's eye can
target this broken
heart and faith
leaving me frozen
A place in time
I thought I'd be
just fine, just ok
but I've seen
I've seen, the light
and there's no
coming back
blurry sight
minds eye
closes eternally

Friday, October 1, 2010

quote of the night

“Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.” - Doug Stanhope

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Song of the afternoon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYPonEU-oLE

9.28.10 Ramblings

It's something odd, something powerful that music does for me. It used to be my passion, my life and all I ever wanted to do. It's become my best friend, my worst enemy, medicine and many other things. It's always been there for me. Last night on the ol' a.m. radio I hear Sinatra and some vortex opens up from my past. I have battled with things all my life but one thing that always made it better was love. I'm blessed to even understand that word although it just breaks me into pieces now.

Now I honestly hate more than love. I don't believe in things that are good without some sort of agenda. I've become locked in my own coffin after fighting to survive too many years. It's still a daily question of why in the hell am I really here. That point grows dimmer and dimmer lately. It's just adjustments like I literally have buttons now. Say this, say that, maybe a facial expression and move on. Listening to Frank Sinatra reminds me, although it rips me apart, that I used to be someone else. I'm not here anymore.

This whole fight I've had has truly beaten me into submission. Every time I look in the mirror it's not me now, it's me from years ago. I feel more fractured every hour now, instead of days like it used to me. I am really having a hard time grasping at anything these days.

Devolution

Listening to Sinatra
reminders of love
happiness, another
person that was
me so long ago
He sings his heart
and my soul has
slit marks of
years of ago
It was three
strikes and
now I'm here
bluer than
any night
sky I've seen
I'd wake up if
I could but a...
just one tiny
thought brings
me down again
Love was the
only thing that
quietened this
fractured mind
Now desolate
devolving into
my own ghost
Reality hits
hard, heavy
chest pain
shaking to
stop the pain
Overkill switch
became me
and now I'm
not even sure
I know what
each expression
I make truly is
besides lies
upon lies, I've
died inside

Monday, September 27, 2010

9.27.10

Fog lifts the air
while I dream
monochrome
statues whisper
Angel wings
brush my face
while I lay here
saying what if
I say I'm away
envious stench
of the infection
that curses my
blackened soul
Tense up just
to shake it off
Heavy breath
lullabies play
on that dusty
record player
Disconnect
myself again
and I fall
back into
the tides, waves
hit the rocky
shore playing
it's whispering
symphony of
goodbyes  


Untitled

These veins turn to wires
This circuitry soft spot
fails me again while I'm
lifted and fed to these
wolves, wolves of
past victims, delicate
shade of blue skin
and eyes of her, all
I can see in this steel
sharp as her own teeth
A deafening silence
whispers from her
soft candy coated lips
Chewed on emotions
simmer in the star lights
and I knew I never
wanted to feel this way
I could've turned away
I should have shifted
to the east but they
won't let go again

Thursday, September 23, 2010

9.23.10

A time bomb came
decades light to
light fire to...
some dream
I lived years
and years ago
An empty court
with a torn net
a basketball
just rolls and
rolls on it's own
Now I've got
lightning struck
witch's luck
and I'm falling
A trigger finger
resolution in me
Keeps reciting
some poem 
I don't know
and shadows
make faces
on the nicotine
stained walls
Sleep to dream
of only steal
coal smell air
while trees
rush by in 
silver, grey
and bronze
like a rusty
razor I kept
in ninety nine
praying these
tendencies
don't become
habits again
I'd settle with
a handshake
afterlife now 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

untitled

The thunder claps
can't sleep and
I turn to you
my own devil
to sing me to
sleep again
Self esteem
slips it's noose
around my
tired neck
vertebra itch
and I can't
stop shaking
trembling or
begging for
all this to
end, final
and I'll keep
on fighting till
it drags me
down, ties
that noose
so tight
and I feel
that last
Snap to
breath
laid to rest

Monday, September 20, 2010

quote of the night

"You have conquered, and I yield. Yet, henceforward, art thou also dead - - dead to the World, to Heaven, and to Hope! In me didst thou exist - - and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own, how utterly thou hast murdered thyself." - Edgar Allen Poe

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Reanimation

Reanimation of who I was
years ago, through the
white ashes she arose
Calling me to come
to that place again
Shivering between
episodes of pining
Lust, belief and hope
some chemical bliss
Home I was, Home
I am in this vacation
withdrawal between
the shivers and shakes
mental speeds catch
up to this delicate soul
praying again, just that
one taste of that angel
dressed in pure white
Calling me to come
home once again

Friday, September 17, 2010

Quote from Einstein

     I Like this quote I dislike this quote

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

Scaphism

This week has rolled by with a lot of fluctuations in my head, heart and soul. I can't say I understand why but obviously some of the past has been creeping around. Yesterday I woke up just wanting to watch the world burn and today I'm in some sort of melancholy. Surprise it's not for those who know me. Every morning is a wake up saying I just wish it was midnight. I'm usually not one to want to waste life. I think I've been watching it pass me by so long I don't or can't even care at this point.

It's a certain cave I hide in then I hit that switch. All social interactions, emotions, and expressions are on autopilot. It's how I live my life more than I not now. Lots of pondering but it's definitely why I enjoy drinking till I black out more often than not. It puts this glass box too fragile for my touch around that button. Obviously, me drinking comes a disclaimer but it at lets me be right now. The older I get the more void of true emotions it seems I feel. Any good intentions(believe me, I started this life with many) have been converted into disbelief in the whole human race. A mistrust has become a banishment of sorts.

It's simple some days. I simply can't feel anything. The complexity of my neurons are only due to damage. I used to talk about it as it was some curse but it's simple science. Action to a reaction. Prick a finger to bleed. The only thing important their is the taste of blood. I just wonder how it is till I feel nothing. Maybe it will do me some good.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Regress

Waking eclipse between
life and reality, spiders
bite the ashy skin
fang  venom enters
soft tissue turn to
hard vices, lies
and my own dying
motion picture memories
flickering project lights
still play your movie
You were always
that big screen star
You'll always be
my Ingrid Bergman
Projector lights flicker
into realms of 
haunting nightmares
that I clam my own
I'd never bless, or
wish any of these
on any of you
Solar system aligns
once again to her
Both of you at 
times still my 
fond hiding place
favorite cave
to dwell in till
they're all gone


Untitled

Wrathful plague injects
wrist  vein fills with
that madness, that
comfort of visions
violations, explosions
towers of man
imploding into the
cement, screams
from the sinful
Air fills with smell
of decaying souls
burning meat and
flesh from the rest
Dust clouds bursting
supernovas in the
nuclear sky, swirling
blues to amethyst
smoke rising,
everyone's dying
only laughter from
the deities you
hold so dear

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

9.15.10

Blowing smoke rings
counting spirals in
a grey white world
A flash of a second
blades of grass fall
dew to my bare feet
Look up to that sky
Alabama blue and
those clouds where
I dreamed my own
dreams of Tranquility
Hand in hand, side
by side is where
I still dream of you
and her, out of 
reach, out of site
but in the clouds
I can still see you
Living for today
is killing me and
those ghosts of
the bliss I once 
knew, love I've
never felt again
It's just one of 
those backwards
steps I have to
take, accept
and let the words
escape me again
in dreams of
Tranquility, it's
where I want
to exist, with
you both still

Monday, September 13, 2010

untitled

Been on this decent
shaded mountains
black and white
scribbled lines
this new identity
Blowing winds
knock me down
finger print grasp
just to glance down
and ask why not
Searching and
searching for
reasons behind
these drill bits
tightening in this
mind flash, lash
out and fight
Fight back till
the end of it all
end us all but
Lost inside,
still searching
but it it's here
it'll never
be here

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Clock always ticks out of time when I'm Brave

The sorrow comes like
a nightingale with wings
gold and blue, I could
see the medals of what
honor should be, I still
see a friend, I'm closest
just feet away
muscles twitch and
feel the disrupt
but I'm kept here
silent and alone
can't reach that
hand I want to
when I can
because
ordinary is
ordinary
right? right?
Another waste
of time I have
I say hey, hey
try but I sing
alone to the
nearest tune
and regret hits
me just fucking
bounces off
because I
realize I
don't fucking
care about
anything or
anyone
I tread on
social terms
just a lie that
I can't do again
I only can spit
honest words
social barricade
it seems,seems
lingers in the
vessels

Aubrn beating Miss St. 17-14....

Shiner, oh shiner
you make my 
life brighter
for now but 
later I might
fall down
but I know
Shiner, oh shiner
you'll be there
to pick me up
win or lose
Oh shiner, we
grab hands
and are friends
again, oh
shinerrrrrrrrr

SAY FUCK YEAH TO SHINER BEER! WHOOT MOTHER FUCKERS WHOOT!

9.9

Steel touches tongue
Silver reflections,
from trickles of
dim moonlight
Pale flesh, veins
pattern life lines
flickering heart beat
pit, pit, patter, patter
You are a shade of
white I can't paint
fingers around neck
Drumming of a
timeless beat pulse
Predatory fears
perform around us
Electric moonlight
shoes amethyst
shadows flowing
within the winds
grip, graps and
mother natures
natural way
You know us
too well to
let us slip
exile us

Don't know why

Today the clouds paint
despair in the air, lost
and found I am now,
to the emptiness with
lonely dreams, mass
murder funerals, lies
we're told makes me
so whole, forgotten
my name because
that's where my
self-esteem draws
that invisible line
Every dream I've
dreamed became
an illusion shattered
A magic act that
buries my happiness
and leaves me sad
only friends for me
come in bottles of
black shades and
I'm here once again
Don't remember how
Don't remember why
Don't even remember
my own name, all
worthless word and
dreams engaging
I'll be ok to what's
really in my head
suicide sensations
like never seen
Like you'll never
know or understand

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Spiderman Shattered Dimensions Review

Spiderman Shattered dimensions is all in all fun to play. To me it’s the best in a long line of failures in the past. However, they haven’t quit mastered the formula. If you are a spidey fan you should definitely pick this up though.  I caught myself actually feeling like I was actually in a comic universe, especially with the Amazing and Ultimate story arcs. The battle system is worth while going after mastery and the upgrades are exciting to use. This system was very well built by the development team.

I’m assuming if you are reading this you are interested in the game so I’ll spare the details. Either way, you have four different spiderman universes. All of these universes do feel completely different. From the styles and gameplay this was a nice achievement. Unfortunately, there are some issues I had with a few of them so I’ll break it down.

Amazing
I’m an old school spidey fan so I honestly do love this universe anyway. This is the main style that I truly felt like I was in living comic. The highlight was definitely the sandman stage but all are quite fun. Neil Patrick Harris does a great job as the voice of spidey. Unfortunately, with all the universes, the dialogue get’s rather repetitive which got annoying as hell at times.  There are some great boss battles here so I won’t spoil it for you. I really enjoyed this part of the game.

Noir
This was the most intriguing universe and probably what got me so curious of the game. The style it’s in is truly a dark shadow environment that works. This part of the story did fit to it’s style and I really enjoyed it visually. Unfortunately, having spidey have to use stealth failed. I believe the idea would have worked if they had spent more time. It gets a bit frustrating and sometimes it seems it doesn’t work at all. Camera angles(Biggest problem throughout the game) was nearly a game killer for me at times. You get through it but I’d say there a certain frustration level to this. It could have been better.

2099
The world is quite colorful and a nice change from the other universes. Sometimes this simply fell short of mind blowing to me though. If the game wasn’t as linear I might have had nicer things to say. There was a lot of falls(halo jumps) and to me that just took me out of the spidey universe. I admit I did have fun while playing most of 2099 series and I did love how spidey felt. There just seemed to be some redundancy here that made me want to rush through and get through it. The bosses here are the weakest in my opinion. Again, not a game breaker but it just didn’t completely sell me.

Ultimate
I remember anxiously waiting to hear the all of the dimensions. When I heard ultimate I almost gave up on the game period. However, this had some of my favorite gameplay and bosses. The treated the black suit with respect and made it work with all the mechanics. Visually, if you know the ultimate universe, you’ll see exactly that. These sections had some of the most intense part of the games. I was actually extremely happy how the carnage action happened except for a few items I’ll name later. Fun, fun, stuff.

Overall, I had a blast playing through. It took me around 12 hours and I could go through it again. Nothing was that big of a game breaker except the Noir stealth.  It’s a system that reminded me of Batman: Arkham Asylum but failed to accomplish that big task. This is where the game falls the shortest in my opinion. It was a momentum breaker that actually got under my skin a bit. Also there is a First person view on nearly all the bosses where you dodge and punch with your analog sticks. Sometimes it felt right but most time it felt awkward. Does it belong in a spiderman game? I’d have a hard time saying so.

Another minor annoyance was sometimes the characters spoke but mouths didn’t move. Not sure what happened here but with this and the stealth system I feel like they got rushed. With another 6 months or a years of development time I think this could have been perfection. The voice acting is great especially Neil Patrick Harris but they seemed to get extremely repetitive at times. The music was good but not great. I’d say it has a high replay value if you are a huge spidey fan. There are also plenty of “emblems” to collect and the leveling up is quite fun. Also seeing the different costumes adds to the fun as well.  While not perfect, if you are a spiderman fan you’ll want to play this. If not, check it out and see what you think.

8.2 out of 10

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Static

I'm floating above this flesh
star dates to rotting planets
Absorbed in the reflections
and haunted by the undead
Static photographs plague
to weigh be down, down
to that abyss, that sound
Static twitch and I'm again
wishing the bluest of blues
Supernova blankets 
where I hide in bliss 
Everything looks better 
from Thirty three million
miles,So far away, away
from the infectious 
air below, corruption
from technology, trust
me, don't trust me, 
You should trust
the government, one
world coming down
faster than those
two towers, explosives
or missile blast, hammer
to nail to skull, I am
now is flesh rotting 
at thirty years in and
Blood lust fuck, drip
down my chin with
a metallic taste, 
I'm obsessed with
obsession but doesn't
mean I don't love you
This failing over and
over, top to bottom
Everest like event
has swept me away

Monday, September 6, 2010

Quote of the night

‎"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
~Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
Surprisingly long dreams with odds twists last night. I suppose my head might be getting ready for dexter because I was doing some stalking/slashing. I have these dreams sometimes and they are quite hard for me to interpret. It seems like it's something in me, in the abyss, that wants to rise up and rage out. Guess it all comes down to consequences.

My head has been in sort of a blender of phases lately. As continue to stay numb along this journey and wish for things I probably fucked up enough never to deserve. It frightens me to know what my soul is filling up in that space though. It seems children and white picket fences has turned to sharp blades, guns and bloodshed. Paranoia has always gotten the best of me but it seems things are coming true. My nightmares are just a war zone training for some worse fate than I can know. 

Good news, Stone Sour and Interpol has new albums this week. 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Song of the morning...

One more Day by 10 years


The walls are closing in around us 
We hold our silence like a gun 
Your stare is empty and a scene that keeps repeating 
And I just bite my tongue 

They can't take this away, it's far from over 
We can't stay in a place we don't belong 
For one more day, I'm not afraid to fall 
For one more day, we try to save it all 

Footsteps will fade away the memories 
Unload the words and breathe again 
Our eyes are focused on unexplored horizon 
At what has always been 

They can't take this away, it's far from over 
We can't stay in a place we don't belong 
For one more day, I'm not afraid to fall 

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/one-more-day-lyrics-10-years.html ]

For one more day, we try to save it all 

I won't let you look back 
If you will help me see clearly 

They can't take this away, it's far from over 
We can't stay in a place we don't belong 
For one more day, I'm not afraid to fall 
(Far from over) 
For one more day, we try to save it all 
(They can't take this away, it's far from over) 
For one more day, I'm not afraid to fall 
(We can't stay in a place we don't belong) 
For one more day, we try to save it all 
(They can't take this away, it's far from over)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Quote of the night

Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. ~
send an e card William Shakespeare

Monday, August 30, 2010

\m/

The Call of Ktulu by Metallica

Loving the new Disturbed album

Disturbed: Serpentine

Equilibrium

Equilibrium off this place
and now I'm just one
fucking step away
Equilibrium off again
Get us all high and
leave us to our own
vices, christs and liars
Egomaniac in us all
Screaming for our
presidents pictures
and reality tv stars
Let's fuck, spread
this virus across her
This great divide of
arrogance, hate and
pride, equilibrium
vibrates vertigo of
the blackness inside
Let's laugh while
slaughtered our
neighbors, fiends
and loved ones
Equilibrium

One of the many to come songs of the day I'm sure

Sleeper 1972 by Manchest Orchestra

Accustomed to letting people down

This reclusive I've become is  part of me. I sit here again after not going to somewhere I said I would. The anxiety started swelling inside yesterday and now I'm choking on the regret. That lump in my throat and shaking that I've gotten so accustomed too. It used to be take it month by month, then day by day but lately it's been taking it hour by hour. 

I'm honestly not so sure what's so different. I've always felt as some sort of metaphysical clock has been ticking for me. I thought that was over but it surely doesn't feel like that today. I try to be a good friend but something always tends to fuck that up for me. It's not a complaint, I know it's inside me but I can't do a thing about it. It's ruined my life in so many ways I have to ask why the fuck am I here most days?