This week has rolled by with a lot of fluctuations in my head, heart and soul. I can't say I understand why but obviously some of the past has been creeping around. Yesterday I woke up just wanting to watch the world burn and today I'm in some sort of melancholy. Surprise it's not for those who know me. Every morning is a wake up saying I just wish it was midnight. I'm usually not one to want to waste life. I think I've been watching it pass me by so long I don't or can't even care at this point.
It's a certain cave I hide in then I hit that switch. All social interactions, emotions, and expressions are on autopilot. It's how I live my life more than I not now. Lots of pondering but it's definitely why I enjoy drinking till I black out more often than not. It puts this glass box too fragile for my touch around that button. Obviously, me drinking comes a disclaimer but it at lets me be right now. The older I get the more void of true emotions it seems I feel. Any good intentions(believe me, I started this life with many) have been converted into disbelief in the whole human race. A mistrust has become a banishment of sorts.
It's simple some days. I simply can't feel anything. The complexity of my neurons are only due to damage. I used to talk about it as it was some curse but it's simple science. Action to a reaction. Prick a finger to bleed. The only thing important their is the taste of blood. I just wonder how it is till I feel nothing. Maybe it will do me some good.
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