Don't know why

Today the clouds paint
despair in the air, lost
and found I am now,
to the emptiness with
lonely dreams, mass
murder funerals, lies
we're told makes me
so whole, forgotten
my name because
that's where my
self-esteem draws
that invisible line
Every dream I've
dreamed became
an illusion shattered
A magic act that
buries my happiness
and leaves me sad
only friends for me
come in bottles of
black shades and
I'm here once again
Don't remember how
Don't remember why
Don't even remember
my own name, all
worthless word and
dreams engaging
I'll be ok to what's
really in my head
suicide sensations
like never seen
Like you'll never
know or understand