I got to spent the 29-2 this July with my honey. It was quite magikal although a lot of sleeping went on. We got out to do somethings as well. I seriously missed being couple and cuddling with someone that felt so absolute right. It was echanting, surreal and otherworldly given how this came to be. I was in a seriously awesome place.
Yesterday was chill and good minus her leaving to head home. I know I'm like this but I get sad then some technical issues came out today. I went on my irrationally scared what the fuck did I do wrong tantrum and went to sad in no time. Still working on it and we've cleared it all up now. Just reminds me of how sometimes something so insignificant can fly me into a paranoid trap within myself and I hate it. Yes, codependency is sort of me.
So now it's self medicate, pills and booze, hoping I have enough to maintain till I at least get this is off my dwelling mind. It's so silly when I think about it but my insecurities seem to be at a very high point. Whereas they shouldn't be after this beautiful weekend with her. I feel like my crazy is vaguely under control again. I have a group of cats sitting my me on my living room taking care of me. They are all my nurses I think.
Anyway, wonderful week over till today over a glitch. I guess. Still confused at what happened to be honest and I still feel a need to pass it. So some benzos and sailor jerry is the rx today. Blech.
Signed, the clumsy codependent
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