Update

Sorry for no writing. I've been sort of in a writer's block, leveling out on meds and now anxiously waiting my honeys arrival into town. I've been busy with games I need to review but still that writer's block is keeping me from it.

Good news though, tomorrow starts the Uncharted 3 multiplayer beta. That will help with the anticipation till Wednesday. :)

Odd Dream 6.14.11

So odd dream again.  I was at a local store and the owner couldn't make it some dance he was planning on. He gave me the tickets and it turns out it was Xenomorph. I believe it said ballet by it so I'm way confused. So aliens via dance? Odd huh?

Thank You

There's this electrical storm
within these veins of mine
Dreams like no other
I've had with you this day
I'm getting better and
I see the sun set peeking
through the stormy clouds
My heart beats with words
whispered from your lips
I have a new song to sing
thanks to you, my stars
above, my love, my life
You are my everything
and I'm getting better
Working on ok, working
on a new day, whistling
to our song, our love
This electrical storm is
calming and I have you
to thank for all of this

Odd dream 6.10.11

I have a reoccurring odd dream. I know this is at least the 2nd time I've had it. I'm at  a fucking huge mall(guess this is a nightmare?) with someone I don't recognize. 'm supposed to deliver this notebook. to something or someone.The first time I recall I wound up delivering this although a storm was setting in. I don't deliver it this time and people start imploding to this golden brown dust spews out when they implode.Explode? Something to that degree. Something happens before it in a hotel looking place but it's blurry like the first time. 


Odd or maybe just too many playstation 3 games? lol

A month of silence

So it's been around a month and after some honesty on my end, a new med seems to work. The only noticeable side effect is problems sleeping but with melatonin that seems to be conquored. It's been a battle with 18 years off chasing shadows and self esteem break downs. A battle of depression and anxiety. I know its not over but it can be managed. This is the first time I've felt hopeful about a med in a long time.

5.23.11

They can feel me

when I drift off

to sleep, they

hear me breathe

In the corners

the shadows

play around with

my head, dripping

tissue from bone

My family is here

They can hear

me think, plan

and disheartened

I've become in

all of this, life

between the

nightmares it is

Break me in two

and look within

The rot comes 

and goes but

the wounds ooze

eternally, drenched

in this plague, they

can feel me think

My family is here

in the corners of

this abandoned cell

Untitled

I've fallen back down
this path I've chose
over and over, again
and again, loveless
I am, falling deeper
into my own, this
mistake driven self
Close the door on
happiness once again
Life keeps coming
and I'm growing
older by the hour
missing your words
and eyes, missing
your hope but I'll
hold onto my alibis
Self abuse and all
Never worth much
Never could be
worthy of love
I've fallen back down
and I plan on staying
this time so I don't
wreck anything else
this time, again and
again it seems