5.23.11

They can feel me

when I drift off

to sleep, they

hear me breathe

In the corners

the shadows

play around with

my head, dripping

tissue from bone

My family is here

They can hear

me think, plan

and disheartened

I've become in

all of this, life

between the

nightmares it is

Break me in two

and look within

The rot comes 

and goes but

the wounds ooze

eternally, drenched

in this plague, they

can feel me think

My family is here

in the corners of

this abandoned cell

Untitled

I've fallen back down
this path I've chose
over and over, again
and again, loveless
I am, falling deeper
into my own, this
mistake driven self
Close the door on
happiness once again
Life keeps coming
and I'm growing
older by the hour
missing your words
and eyes, missing
your hope but I'll
hold onto my alibis
Self abuse and all
Never worth much
Never could be
worthy of love
I've fallen back down
and I plan on staying
this time so I don't
wreck anything else
this time, again and
again it seems

Cigarette burn 3009

Made the worst mistake
I'll take the steak in
the heart and fucking
fade into oblivion
I'm fucking sad again
I wasn't, I wasn't
right? I guess I was
I see you making
devil shadows
out of me in my sleep
I'd hate to be wrong
but I'm burning
this awkward flesh
Thinking you'll save
me, thinking you'd
save me but I can't
ignore the times
I can't ignore you
don't give a fucking
shit about me
I'm in the worst
place in my life
again, guess it's
life, guess you never
cared, guess I never
felt anything, so quite
I remain always

Odd Dream 5.20.11

I had a really odd dream last night that freaked me the fuck out. It was one of those that felt like hours went by. I got a call on my cell phone telling me people I knew died. I went to look for them.Wound up with some really distorted looking mother fucker talking to me about murder and black magick in a really old school looking church place.


 He/It brought out the back of the building and the moon literally looked like it was bleeding. It was a really weird green "filtered" look outside and I believe it was storming, like hurricane style. Then(I can't remember what he/it was talking about and it's like the trees turned around. I recognized a few people from way back but some I didn't.


Some weird shadow thing came and cut I believe all their throats. Then whatever this thing is started some weird talking and the ground started to well, dissolve around us? I dunno, sort of sent me into a panic. Fucking weird shit.

Untitled

Hell, I've become a walking

contradiction, an alcoholic

and romantic, a devil and

angel, a mania and  crash

I'm everything and nothing

I'm got this void and these

little devils shouting over

each other with amplifiers

I'm tired of becoming

this person I can't be

I can't be this person

I want to be, now

or ever, it seems it's

just not in the cracks

in the flooring while

I bash my head to want

something I can never be

Hell, I've become a running

disbelief, a junkie and

mover and shaker, falling

between the shadowed 

lines of make belief and 

love I've felt my whole life

Never aligns just right

Brighter

Just when I was losing hope
fading into my own plans
You showed up, brighter
than I ever could imagine
Beautiful girl stay here by
my side throughout this life
Our embrace eternal, one
kiss and I'm on my knees
Loving you forever in time
forever in this life and the
next ones to come, souls
intertwined through this
wonderful cosmos we live
breathing your love in
exhaling future days with
a smile from ear to ear
Beautiful girl, you are
mine and I'm yours
I don't want to waste
any more time without
our souls intertwined
I love you more than
the words I know
Oh honey, I'll love you
in this life and the next
written in time forever

Morose

Cracking these mirrors within

I've got thirteen years of 

bad luck blood running in

these constricted veins

Fill myself with pain to reflect

Now I'm poisoned to these

broken bones, exposed

you are now and I'll sit

in my numbing clouds throne

Blank emotions draining

the will to live, to be, to 

fucking breathe in and out

I'm on a panic attack high

and I'm shaking with no

where to run to now, no

saving grace in my sight

So it's a fuck it all end game

Sickened at second sight

sickened at the thought

sickened by this plague

sickened by your words

sickened by your pain

Blackened by you and

I'm folding this time

sickened(dead inside)