Soaring, between sad
and love, between
the love of my life
happened to appear
angelic beauty, love
humbles me to my
knees, makes me
feel alive once again
makes me feel, I'm
a man again, my
best friend, love,
angel wings hold me
all day, all night and
she's here with me
as I sleep, in dreams
together and forever
My heart beats a fragile
rhythm of hers, one and
forever, I'll always love
her soaring hand in hand
through our own stars
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Irrationality
I got to spent the 29-2 this July with my honey. It was quite magikal although a lot of sleeping went on. We got out to do somethings as well. I seriously missed being couple and cuddling with someone that felt so absolute right. It was echanting, surreal and otherworldly given how this came to be. I was in a seriously awesome place.
Yesterday was chill and good minus her leaving to head home. I know I'm like this but I get sad then some technical issues came out today. I went on my irrationally scared what the fuck did I do wrong tantrum and went to sad in no time. Still working on it and we've cleared it all up now. Just reminds me of how sometimes something so insignificant can fly me into a paranoid trap within myself and I hate it. Yes, codependency is sort of me.
So now it's self medicate, pills and booze, hoping I have enough to maintain till I at least get this is off my dwelling mind. It's so silly when I think about it but my insecurities seem to be at a very high point. Whereas they shouldn't be after this beautiful weekend with her. I feel like my crazy is vaguely under control again. I have a group of cats sitting my me on my living room taking care of me. They are all my nurses I think.
Anyway, wonderful week over till today over a glitch. I guess. Still confused at what happened to be honest and I still feel a need to pass it. So some benzos and sailor jerry is the rx today. Blech.
Signed, the clumsy codependent
Yesterday was chill and good minus her leaving to head home. I know I'm like this but I get sad then some technical issues came out today. I went on my irrationally scared what the fuck did I do wrong tantrum and went to sad in no time. Still working on it and we've cleared it all up now. Just reminds me of how sometimes something so insignificant can fly me into a paranoid trap within myself and I hate it. Yes, codependency is sort of me.
So now it's self medicate, pills and booze, hoping I have enough to maintain till I at least get this is off my dwelling mind. It's so silly when I think about it but my insecurities seem to be at a very high point. Whereas they shouldn't be after this beautiful weekend with her. I feel like my crazy is vaguely under control again. I have a group of cats sitting my me on my living room taking care of me. They are all my nurses I think.
Anyway, wonderful week over till today over a glitch. I guess. Still confused at what happened to be honest and I still feel a need to pass it. So some benzos and sailor jerry is the rx today. Blech.
Signed, the clumsy codependent
Monday, June 27, 2011
Update
Sorry for no writing. I've been sort of in a writer's block, leveling out on meds and now anxiously waiting my honeys arrival into town. I've been busy with games I need to review but still that writer's block is keeping me from it.
Good news though, tomorrow starts the Uncharted 3 multiplayer beta. That will help with the anticipation till Wednesday. :)
Good news though, tomorrow starts the Uncharted 3 multiplayer beta. That will help with the anticipation till Wednesday. :)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Odd Dream 6.14.11
So odd dream again. I was at a local store and the owner couldn't make it some dance he was planning on. He gave me the tickets and it turns out it was Xenomorph. I believe it said ballet by it so I'm way confused. So aliens via dance? Odd huh?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thank You
There's this electrical storm
within these veins of mine
Dreams like no other
I've had with you this day
I'm getting better and
I see the sun set peeking
through the stormy clouds
My heart beats with words
whispered from your lips
I have a new song to sing
thanks to you, my stars
above, my love, my life
You are my everything
and I'm getting better
Working on ok, working
on a new day, whistling
to our song, our love
This electrical storm is
calming and I have you
to thank for all of this
within these veins of mine
Dreams like no other
I've had with you this day
I'm getting better and
I see the sun set peeking
through the stormy clouds
My heart beats with words
whispered from your lips
I have a new song to sing
thanks to you, my stars
above, my love, my life
You are my everything
and I'm getting better
Working on ok, working
on a new day, whistling
to our song, our love
This electrical storm is
calming and I have you
to thank for all of this
Friday, June 10, 2011
Odd dream 6.10.11
I have a reoccurring odd dream. I know this is at least the 2nd time I've had it. I'm at a fucking huge mall(guess this is a nightmare?) with someone I don't recognize. 'm supposed to deliver this notebook. to something or someone.The first time I recall I wound up delivering this although a storm was setting in. I don't deliver it this time and people start imploding to this golden brown dust spews out when they implode.Explode? Something to that degree. Something happens before it in a hotel looking place but it's blurry like the first time.
Odd or maybe just too many playstation 3 games? lol
Odd or maybe just too many playstation 3 games? lol
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A month of silence
So it's been around a month and after some honesty on my end, a new med seems to work. The only noticeable side effect is problems sleeping but with melatonin that seems to be conquored. It's been a battle with 18 years off chasing shadows and self esteem break downs. A battle of depression and anxiety. I know its not over but it can be managed. This is the first time I've felt hopeful about a med in a long time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)